It's bittersweet for me to be here. I haven't posted in 6 months. A couple weeks ago I decided to start back up again. I forgot about my blog. I only did about a week before giving up :(
So, today I finally logged back in to see what my weight was. When I started my diet again 2 weeks ago, I weighed 257lbs. So, image my shock when I log in today and saw that 6 months ago my starting weight was 257lbs. It was exactly the same! I haven't lost a thing!
I think I know why. I have this benchmark in my head that I won't go over 250lbs. So, 257 is my danger point. I know I have to reel myself back in. But I don't want to stop at 250!
This really concerns me. Letting my body be in such an unhealthy state for so long is really bad! This needs to stop.
One thing I started noticing is darkening of the skin on my neck. I looked up what that might be, and all this information about diabetes came up. That really scared me, and made me realize that I needed a change. I always knew sugar probably didn't affect me well. I've never been diagnosed with diabetes, but I feel like I'm headed in that direction. I'm pretty sure I'm already insulin resistant.
So, I decided to just cut out extra sugar. And guess what? I started feeling better. Then I started looking up information about diabetic and low carb diets, since carbs turn into sugar. Well, there is so much information on the internet, most of which contradicts other things. It's all so confusing! I finally settled on trying to find a balance between low calorie, low carbs, and ABSOLUTELY NO added sugar other than what naturally occurs in fruit. If I have to get my calories in, I will choose fat over sugar because the sugar affects me worse.
The cons of a diet like this is low energy. So, I need to find a way to add more protein. Also, the first couple of days, I only ate 1,000 calories. Then I found out that if you eat less than 1,200 calories, your body goes into starvation mode and you can't lose weight. This is hard for me because I don't naturally eat this much and at these times of day. So, by the third day I was up to 1,500 calories and today I'm aiming for about the same thing.
What's also difficult is all the thinking about food I have to do! When I'm not on a diet, I don't think about food. I just eat when I'm hungry, which means that I might go all day without eating and then eat a huge meal, and lay on the couch comatose. Now, I have to plan and count and measure. It's all so much, but I know that the benefits outweigh the inconvenience.
What's worse this week is that I'm PMS-ing. I just want to sleep. But I have managed to walk every day. Donald has been walking with me every other day. He's on my dinner diet too, but he needs to eat more during the day so that he doesn't go into starvation mode. I've gotta get him some meals to bring to work.
I used to think that my emotions didn't affect my eating habits. I used to think that I only ate when I was hungry and that I just naturally had a big appetite. Well, I got tested earlier this week. I found out something that made me very anxious. And all of a sudden, all I wanted to do was eat. I wasn't even really hungry. I just wanted a DISTRACTION from what I was feeling. I guess that's what people mean about stuffing their feelings. I haven't ever been aware of doing this until now. It was scary really. I could have consumed a thousand calories in a sitting if I didn't show any self control. I'm going to have to address this soon and discover other ways of dealing with stress. Something that distracts me from the distraction, lol.
I'm not going to update daily. Too much stress for me. Day 1 was January 3 257lbs. I might lose track of the days, and then I might not. But I will try to update on a regular basis. That might mean every day sometimes, and once a month other times. I will do my best.
