207 Rant

It's been a while since I posted. I was waiting to be able to have some good news. It's not all bad I guess.

My weight loss is slowing down considerably. But it's fluctuating as well. A couple weeks ago, I got down to 205. I was soooo happy! I had finally passed the 50lb mark, and 199 was looking very close. I wanted to post on that day, but I got busy. It's not that I got too confident. I think in fact I became more strict with myself. For a long time I was only eating about 900-1000 calories per day. I was eating about 100 grams of carbs as well.

First, I tried increasing my caloric intake. However, my carbs increased as well. So, I started doing a modified Atkins diet and started losing again. The problem came in two weekends this month. I wasn't as strict with myself. I expected to gain a couple of pounds like I always do, but last weekend I gained a whopping 4 pounds! I have found that it's so much harder to lose the weight for the second time.

It's sad because all I wanted to do was have fun with my friends. We had a couple over and along with my vegan food, I had a few pieces of banana nut bread. I thought since I had eaten better during the day that I could afford it. The next day, we had Chinese with them and then a snow cone. Now, I don't usually do that. But we were having fun. Everyone was having one. It was a sweltering day, and I really enjoyed that snow cone! But that night we also had fast food. I should have known better.

I feel like I'm never going to be able to let up on dieting for the rest of my life. I already knew that, but I thought an occasional slip up would be OK. I guess not. I guess I'm always going to have to be the odd man out. The one who passes up a slice of cake. Or a snow cone. Or whatever is the treat of the day. Because I can't afford these slip ups. It's hard for me to come to terms with that. My body has changed significantly, but I still can't just relax and enjoy it. It's going to be a constant battle with my body. Even though I'm not super happy about it, I know it's just something I have to do. I have to trade a little fun for my health.

So now, I'm eating between 1,200 and 1,500 calories. I need to keep it at 1,200 though and limit the carbs. I lost a couple pounds this week, but I won't be able to breathe easy till I get past 205. I hate going backwards and staying there for so long! I was so confident that I'd be able to get down to 199 by the end of June, and here we are on the last day of June. Just goes to show you that it's not always as easy as you think.

I gotta stay positive!! I've got to look for ways to work through a plateau. I've incorporated weights and abs on most days of the week along with my workout video. I feel like I'm training for an Olympic marathon, lol.

Measurements: Waist 44", Bust 41.5" (wow!), Thigh 19 1/8", Calf 17", Neck 15", Wrist 7 1/8", Forearm 10 7/8", Upper Arm 13.5", Hips 47