Today I reached the 30 lb mark! Very proud of myself.
What's impressive to me is that I've been dealing with a very stressful situation with my family and what would usually send me to a corner bingeing on any and everything has actually made me want to eat less. Maybe it's because I'm aware of the effect this could potentially have on my diet. It's like I'm a whole new person the way I'm dealing with things. Hating someone else doesn't mean I have to hate myself.
I realize that I'm going to have to be much more careful on the weekends. I don't use my food journal on weekends. It seems like I always gain a couple pounds back which I subsequently have to lose the following week. This is slowing down my weight loss. I also realize that this may actually be caused by the fact that I'm not eating very much during the week. So, I either need to eat a little more during the week, or cut back on the weekends. I hate cooking on weekends, so I will probably have to eat a few more calories during the week if I can.
It's officially HOT here in Texas and walking is becoming uncomfortable. I'm probably going to have to find a way to exercise early.
Yesterday I sitting was having a very serious conversation when I looked down and noticed that I had crossed my legs. Like a lady. I don't remember the last time I could do that. I just did it without thought, not realizing I had the ability to do so. I had to bring myself back to the conversation I was having because I had become distracted.
It's the simple things you forget.
Measurements: Upper arm 15in, Thigh (at birthmark) 23in, Waist 47.5, Bra 45in, wrist (below bone) 7.25in, calf 17.25in, Neck 16in.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
229.2 Ultra mini goal reached!
Today I woke up excited to step on the scale. I had a feeling that I had reached my goal since the last two days I've really cut back. Yesterday I was 230.6 and I just wanted to lose that .6 because I'm neurotic and make up rules like if I want to reach 230, it has to say 230.0 or less for it to count.
So anyway, it was 229.2! Goal reached! Technically I have to keep the weight off through Sunday, but the most I've ever gained back temporarily is like 2lbs.
Making these small goals has really helped me. I also make sub-goals along the way. For example, I want to reach 220 by May 7 when I'm supposed to see my doctor. I want to show her that I'm taking my disease seriously. That gives me 23 days to lose 9.2 lbs. So, about a pound for every 2 days. I think that's reasonable. That's about what I'm doing now.
It's strange to me now because I'm seeing parts of my body change. One night I was laying down with my legs bent. I looked down at my thighs and didn't recognize them. They are so much slimmer. I actually see where my thighs taper at the knees. This is a trivial thing for most people. But I haven't seen my knees in many years. My thighs usually look like ham hocks. Also, I think I'm going to need a new bra. Won't go into too much detail here...
Oh, and also I have this dress I've been trying to fit into for soooo long. Well, yesterday it zips up easily. It's still too tight when I sit, so I will probably have to try it on again when I reach my sub goal.
I don't mean for this to sound like bragging. I'm a very humble person. In fact, I can tell you that most of my life is a big FAIL. So I get excited when I actually succeed at something. If I keep this up, I may actually resemble a normal overweight person by my 29th birthday.
In addition to walking, I started having the urge to run. So, this week I've been incorporating small amounts of jogging into my routine. I like it, however I've developed shin splints. I'm not sure if I should be jogging with so much weight. I'm afraid that I might fracture my legs. I think I'm going to have to wait till I get down to 200. I want to keep jogging, but I don't want to do any damage to my body. So, back to speed walking for me.
It's starting to get really hot now, so I might have to start walking at a different time. Most likely it would have to be earlier. I look forward to continue pressing on and seeing changes.
So anyway, it was 229.2! Goal reached! Technically I have to keep the weight off through Sunday, but the most I've ever gained back temporarily is like 2lbs.
Making these small goals has really helped me. I also make sub-goals along the way. For example, I want to reach 220 by May 7 when I'm supposed to see my doctor. I want to show her that I'm taking my disease seriously. That gives me 23 days to lose 9.2 lbs. So, about a pound for every 2 days. I think that's reasonable. That's about what I'm doing now.
It's strange to me now because I'm seeing parts of my body change. One night I was laying down with my legs bent. I looked down at my thighs and didn't recognize them. They are so much slimmer. I actually see where my thighs taper at the knees. This is a trivial thing for most people. But I haven't seen my knees in many years. My thighs usually look like ham hocks. Also, I think I'm going to need a new bra. Won't go into too much detail here...
Oh, and also I have this dress I've been trying to fit into for soooo long. Well, yesterday it zips up easily. It's still too tight when I sit, so I will probably have to try it on again when I reach my sub goal.
I don't mean for this to sound like bragging. I'm a very humble person. In fact, I can tell you that most of my life is a big FAIL. So I get excited when I actually succeed at something. If I keep this up, I may actually resemble a normal overweight person by my 29th birthday.
In addition to walking, I started having the urge to run. So, this week I've been incorporating small amounts of jogging into my routine. I like it, however I've developed shin splints. I'm not sure if I should be jogging with so much weight. I'm afraid that I might fracture my legs. I think I'm going to have to wait till I get down to 200. I want to keep jogging, but I don't want to do any damage to my body. So, back to speed walking for me.
It's starting to get really hot now, so I might have to start walking at a different time. Most likely it would have to be earlier. I look forward to continue pressing on and seeing changes.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
233.8 lbs
I really need to start measuring my arms and upper abdomen because it still seems that my legs are getting thinner and my upper body is not. However, last night I wore a dress that I hadn't worn in a while. I couldn't fill it out anymore! So maybe my upper body or at least breasts are getting smaller. The cardigan I wore really doesn't fit anymore either. Think I'm going to have to stop wearing it and find another or just go without one, which is a huge change of pace for me since I usually always wear it with something with barely-there sleeves.
I'm glad that I'm getting smaller, and have gotten a few new clothes, but I can't afford a whole new wardrobe. I was thinking of asking my mom if she had any dresses I could have since she doesn't wear them anymore.
I have several goals I want to reach. My ultra mini goal is 230. My mini goal is 220. My goal is 199. My ultimate goal is 170. And my 'might not never reach it goal' 130. I really only care about getting to my ultimate goal, because I don't know if I've been 130 since grade school.
So, I've almost met my ultra mini goal. I decided that if I reach 230 by April 17 that I would buy myself some platform heels, but I don't know if my feet can handle that, lol. Also I doubt it because I tried some cheap ones on the other day and I'm pretty sure I felt the heel break. Oops!
Anyway, getting to 233 has really motivated me. Just when I feel like I can't make another lap down the track, I lose more weight and get really motivated. Yesterday I was walking tall at the track. It felt good. I felt good. It's not that I don't like it, it just gets boring at times. Sometimes it makes me feel really lonely. But I do like being alone with my thoughts and feeling the fresh air and sun.
I possibly feel some changes around the corner in our life. Like, big changes. I'm just apprehensive about how this is going to affect my weight loss. I don't deal with stress well. My whole life I've dealt with every good/bad/and other thing in my life by eating. Bingeing took away the pain and celebrated the happiness. It numbed me out when I needed it the most. But that's not how I can deal with life anymore. I can't fall back on old habits just because I'm busy. I guess I don't trust myself. Why should I? I've never been successful with weight loss until now, and I'm walking on eggshells. I'm literally afraid of food. I have dreams where I've eaten a whole pie or something and totally blew my diet. I don't know how to learn to trust myself. I don't think it's been enough time yet. I can't mindlessly eat healthy, yet. It's a constant battle. Not so much with willpower, but with remembering that something is too high carb or high calorie. It's a learning process that I haven't mastered yet and until then, I have to really watch myself. So, hopefully if we do decide to go down this path, I can keep everything under control.
I only have a little over a month till I go back to the doctor. I really hope that my A1C test comes out good. Weight loss itself is not enough. I've got to get my sugar under control. It's not where I want it to be, but it's not way out of control. At least I don't think so. I will just have to find out at the doctor I guess.
I'm glad that I'm getting smaller, and have gotten a few new clothes, but I can't afford a whole new wardrobe. I was thinking of asking my mom if she had any dresses I could have since she doesn't wear them anymore.
I have several goals I want to reach. My ultra mini goal is 230. My mini goal is 220. My goal is 199. My ultimate goal is 170. And my 'might not never reach it goal' 130. I really only care about getting to my ultimate goal, because I don't know if I've been 130 since grade school.
So, I've almost met my ultra mini goal. I decided that if I reach 230 by April 17 that I would buy myself some platform heels, but I don't know if my feet can handle that, lol. Also I doubt it because I tried some cheap ones on the other day and I'm pretty sure I felt the heel break. Oops!
Anyway, getting to 233 has really motivated me. Just when I feel like I can't make another lap down the track, I lose more weight and get really motivated. Yesterday I was walking tall at the track. It felt good. I felt good. It's not that I don't like it, it just gets boring at times. Sometimes it makes me feel really lonely. But I do like being alone with my thoughts and feeling the fresh air and sun.
I possibly feel some changes around the corner in our life. Like, big changes. I'm just apprehensive about how this is going to affect my weight loss. I don't deal with stress well. My whole life I've dealt with every good/bad/and other thing in my life by eating. Bingeing took away the pain and celebrated the happiness. It numbed me out when I needed it the most. But that's not how I can deal with life anymore. I can't fall back on old habits just because I'm busy. I guess I don't trust myself. Why should I? I've never been successful with weight loss until now, and I'm walking on eggshells. I'm literally afraid of food. I have dreams where I've eaten a whole pie or something and totally blew my diet. I don't know how to learn to trust myself. I don't think it's been enough time yet. I can't mindlessly eat healthy, yet. It's a constant battle. Not so much with willpower, but with remembering that something is too high carb or high calorie. It's a learning process that I haven't mastered yet and until then, I have to really watch myself. So, hopefully if we do decide to go down this path, I can keep everything under control.
I only have a little over a month till I go back to the doctor. I really hope that my A1C test comes out good. Weight loss itself is not enough. I've got to get my sugar under control. It's not where I want it to be, but it's not way out of control. At least I don't think so. I will just have to find out at the doctor I guess.
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