Week 24 255.2

This week hasn't gone very well as far as diet goes. It started off good. Found out that I had to eat a few extra calories at night in order to be able to sleep without having hunger pains keep me up all night :(

Then on Wednesday night, I pretty much blew it. But I still exercised. I have been on a de-cluttering streak. I have been so sick and tired of all the junk I've been hoarding that I just started throwing crap away. It felt really good. So good in fact that I want to do more of it when I have the energy. The exercise has been giving me more energy. Except for today because I didn't sleep all night for some reason.

I think that this diet is too strict for me. When I exercise I get hungry! Which is normal, but not if you are on a 1,200 calorie diet. So, I'm going to tweak it next week. I'm going to eat the same for breakfast and lunch and then at dinner eat a healthy-ish but not necessarily low carb meal. I think this will give me the fuel not to be hungry all night and have energy to exercise like I want to. I can try it and see...

This week I finally feel better!  Still have a little cotton feeling in one of my ears and a little cough but nothing like it was.

The last couple of days have been really hard for me. A lot of feelings are coming up. I partly know why, and the other part I don't. I've been going through old journals and putting them all together, I have been battling my weight solidly for 8 years. I've been doing the same things over and over and over. The same failures over and over, save for the time I lost 60 lbs and I don't even know how that really happened anymore. My weight has been pretty much the same for 8 years. It's crazy. And scary. And sad. And I don't want to do it anymore but sometimes I feel like I don't know how to not be fat. It's become so much of who I am while I've been trying to act as though it doesn't exist. As if this is just a passing phase of my life, and not my actual life. That's why I never buy new clothes. Because I feel like this is not really me. Cuz I'm always thinking I'm going to lose weight and the clothes will just be wasted.

I think I need a drink. How many carbs does vodka have?

Waist 50", Bust 49", Hips 53", Thigh 22 1/4"