I'm not going to go on and on lamenting on how I failed again. I'm just going to get back up from my fall and keep going.
I've always had this weight ceiling that I will never go over. My old weight ceiling was 250. When I got somewhere around 245, a yellow light on my brain would go on. 248, and I would start a diet. Well, somehow along the way, my weight ceiling was raised to 260. I don't even realize how that happened. I'm not going to question it, but I'm sure as hell never gonna raise it again. All I know is that some time last week when I was deathly sick, I somehow weighed in twice at 260.8 and I said, hell no, something has to change!
Speaking of being sick, I've been sicker in the last few months than I've been in a really long time. Sometime in August, I got the flu or maybe just a bad cold that lasted a long time. Then, in the beginning of October, I got a stomach virus. And just recently, I have an upper respiratory infection, and maybe even bronchitis. This is ridiculous. When I was losing weight and eating right, I never got sick. All the exercise strengthened my immune system. I never thought I'd say it, but I look forward to exercising. I want my health and strength back! I want to sweat!
Being at the weight I am now, I know that I can't start out exercising at the level I was before. This week is kind of a soft opening for my diet. Plus, I'm still sick, so I've got to take it easy. That's not an excuse. There are other reasons too. Recently, I have tried going back on my 1,200 calorie low carb diet. I start out really strong, and then I start feeling really sick and eventually lose willpower. I think I need to ease into it. I will probably still be eating at most, 1,500 calories, but I got some fruit to eat as well. I feel like maybe I was shocking my system and it was rebelling against me and causing me to fall off the wagon. I need to at least try this.
I have a 25 week goal. I'm going to lose 59 lbs in 25 weeks, ending May 19, 2013. Hopefully more ;-) My ultimate goal is to reach 170 by the end of December 2013. I have a special and private goal to reach 233. If I lose 2 lbs a week like FitDay say I should to reach my May 19 goal, I should reach my 233 goal in 13 weeks which would bring us to February 18, 2013. This is going to take a lot of willpower. A lot of bad things happened to me in early 2011, but I need to be strong and not let those things control my life. I need to turn something bad into something positive. Create new memories. For me, it makes sense that I would post once a week on Fridays to see where I am.
Things I need to work on:
1. Don't get so hung up on what the scale says. Don't give up because of one or a few bad number days.
2. Stop being jealous of the past and the success I used to have. Stop comparing my new self with my old self.
3. Don't turn to food or self hatred when things go wrong (and they will!)
4. Don't freak out if something doesn't work. Use it as a learning lesson, and tweak what you have to to stay on track.
5. Accept what is, move on, and do better.
6. Slow down, weight loss doesn't happen overnight!
Measurements: Wrist 7 3/8", Upper Arm 16", Forearm 11 3/8", Thigh 23 1/8", Calf 18.5", Neck 16.5", Waist 50.5", Hips 54", Bust 46.5"
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