How many freaking times am I going to post that I'm starting over and way motivated and stuff?!? I hate myself for that. I let myself and this blog down, ugh! So, ya here I am again. I feel like I just slipped up from the last time, but that was a looong slip up. It's now a month later and I'm at it again. Well, not long after I fell off the wagon, I injured myself.
I was bending over a drawer organizing my nail polishes. I had been at it for a while when all of a sudden I felt a hot burning feeling in my lower back and then it was like a lightning bolt struck it. I tried to stand up but couldn't. I could only manage a hunched over position and made it to my office chair. My back was racked with spasms. I could barely walk. I stayed on the couch or in a sitting position for 24 hrs until I finally decided that the severe pain I was in was intolerable. I had to go to the doctor. She diagnosed muscle spasms probably from a pulled muscle and loaded me up with pain medication and muscle relaxers. I was in a haze for about 2 weeks. I had to have help getting up and even taking a bath. Brushing my teeth was excruciating because bending over the sink was almost impossible.
Little by little it got better. My brother who's a massage therapist also massaged my back and it felt better. I'm pretty much completely better now, but it scared the crap out of me. Carrying all this weight is really bad for my muscles, among other things. I just can't live like that in a haze of medication. I need to get the weight off and strengthen my back muscles so that this crap doesn't happen again!
This week, I tried to say on 1,200 calories and under 100 carbs. I also got the 'great' idea to incorporate fruit into my low carb diet. Not sure if that was the greatest thing. I've only lost 5 lbs this week and I feel terrible physically. Eating lots of fat always left me wanting something, but this time I've been having severe stomach growling at night which keeps me up and really bad diarrhea. So, I think I'm going to stop the fruit and eat more fat. I've just got to tweak it along the way, and probably check out my old food journals.
I feel like part of the reason I lost weight the last time was because the Metformin made me lose my appetite, but now my body has adjusted to it. I sure wish I could find something for my appetite. I swing from nauseous to ravenously hungry and it really messes with my moods and energy. I've really had to exercise my willpower today. I just keep thinking of all the pain I was in and how I don't want to go back to that. I'm not going to post my measurements until I feel like I lost some weight.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
249.2 Starting way over
Well, looking at my last post, it's easy to see that the HCG diet didn't work for me. I lost 12 lbs that week, but I was so weak I could barely walk. I'm glad it works for others, but it's not for me.
Yesterday, I started up my low-carb diet. Sad to say, I have gained all my weight back minus 6 lbs or so. I'm not making excuses, but there is a reason all of this happened. I'm not going to go into detail, but I had two heartbreaking tragedies happen to me this year. Needless to say, I plunged into depression and ate my way through these last few months.
Am I better? No. But I have decided to stop hurting myself. I feel exactly the way I did right before being diagnosed with diabetes. Sluggish, body aches, can't walk up stairs, out of breath all the time, TIRED, etc. I HATE the way I feel now. I feel like I'm dying a slow death physically. The difference in how I feel when I was 198 lbs to 249 is like night and day. I want to lose all this weight and lose even more than before!
It's so hard to accept that I had lost 60lbs and gained it all back in a few months. It made me want to give up. It's like even now, every lb I lose won't be a victory because I will be thinking, "Well, I used to weigh 198, so why celebrate 230?" But I know that I can't think that way anymore because if I do, I will never lose the weight. I'm so afraid that even if I lose it for the second time, I will gain it all back again. I keep going over in my mind what happened, and besides the tragedies, I know why. It's because I was looking at this all as a diet and not a lifestyle change. I kept thinking unconsciously that eventually I would lose the weight and be able to go back to eating like 'normal.' What kept me going sometimes was thinking of all the crap I could eventually eat one I lost it all. I just wanted to eat like a normal person. What I have to accept is that a healthy low-carb diet is what is going to have to be normal for me. I can't go back. If I want to keep it off, it's what I have to do for the rest of my life. Does it suck? Yeah, but I'm sure I will get used to it again. It's not that it's hard to eat this way, it just takes so much time. The calorie counting takes time, and the preparation does too. It's not convenient but it works.
Even though no one has made a peep about my weight gain, I know what they are thinking. The diet doesn't work. But that's not true. I made the choice to stop. It works if you stick with it. I was the one who failed, not my diet.
One good that came out of all this is that my husband has kept off the 100lbs that he lost. I'm so proud of him! No one can recognize him. His clothes are tents on him now, lol! He's my inspiration :)
One thing I've been concerned with is that maybe I lost the weight too quickly the first time. I lost 60lbs in 6 months. Was that too quick? I don't know, but maybe. So instead of 1,200 calories, I'm eating 1,500. I need to do some more research on how many calories I'm supposed to be eating exactly.
I have an old treadmill now, so I'm doing 20 min a day like before and will increase according to my ability just like before. When it gets cooler, maybe I can start walking outside again. That will be more of a challenge now because we don't live near the college anymore, but maybe I can walk around our new apt complex.
One think about the Russian Doll is that you can decrease the size to reveal a smaller figure. But you can also increase the size as well. That happens sometimes. However, you can always decrease again. The choice is yours.
Measurements, Waist 49.5', Bust 46.5', Thigh 22.5', Calf 18.75', Neck 16', Wrist 7.5', Forearm 11.5', Upper Arm 16.5', Hips 53'
Yesterday, I started up my low-carb diet. Sad to say, I have gained all my weight back minus 6 lbs or so. I'm not making excuses, but there is a reason all of this happened. I'm not going to go into detail, but I had two heartbreaking tragedies happen to me this year. Needless to say, I plunged into depression and ate my way through these last few months.
Am I better? No. But I have decided to stop hurting myself. I feel exactly the way I did right before being diagnosed with diabetes. Sluggish, body aches, can't walk up stairs, out of breath all the time, TIRED, etc. I HATE the way I feel now. I feel like I'm dying a slow death physically. The difference in how I feel when I was 198 lbs to 249 is like night and day. I want to lose all this weight and lose even more than before!
It's so hard to accept that I had lost 60lbs and gained it all back in a few months. It made me want to give up. It's like even now, every lb I lose won't be a victory because I will be thinking, "Well, I used to weigh 198, so why celebrate 230?" But I know that I can't think that way anymore because if I do, I will never lose the weight. I'm so afraid that even if I lose it for the second time, I will gain it all back again. I keep going over in my mind what happened, and besides the tragedies, I know why. It's because I was looking at this all as a diet and not a lifestyle change. I kept thinking unconsciously that eventually I would lose the weight and be able to go back to eating like 'normal.' What kept me going sometimes was thinking of all the crap I could eventually eat one I lost it all. I just wanted to eat like a normal person. What I have to accept is that a healthy low-carb diet is what is going to have to be normal for me. I can't go back. If I want to keep it off, it's what I have to do for the rest of my life. Does it suck? Yeah, but I'm sure I will get used to it again. It's not that it's hard to eat this way, it just takes so much time. The calorie counting takes time, and the preparation does too. It's not convenient but it works.
Even though no one has made a peep about my weight gain, I know what they are thinking. The diet doesn't work. But that's not true. I made the choice to stop. It works if you stick with it. I was the one who failed, not my diet.
One good that came out of all this is that my husband has kept off the 100lbs that he lost. I'm so proud of him! No one can recognize him. His clothes are tents on him now, lol! He's my inspiration :)
One thing I've been concerned with is that maybe I lost the weight too quickly the first time. I lost 60lbs in 6 months. Was that too quick? I don't know, but maybe. So instead of 1,200 calories, I'm eating 1,500. I need to do some more research on how many calories I'm supposed to be eating exactly.
I have an old treadmill now, so I'm doing 20 min a day like before and will increase according to my ability just like before. When it gets cooler, maybe I can start walking outside again. That will be more of a challenge now because we don't live near the college anymore, but maybe I can walk around our new apt complex.
One think about the Russian Doll is that you can decrease the size to reveal a smaller figure. But you can also increase the size as well. That happens sometimes. However, you can always decrease again. The choice is yours.
Measurements, Waist 49.5', Bust 46.5', Thigh 22.5', Calf 18.75', Neck 16', Wrist 7.5', Forearm 11.5', Upper Arm 16.5', Hips 53'
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
218.6 Day 4
I was somewhat shocked to wake up to find the scale down by over 6 lbs. However, this frequently happens when I come off of my bad days. Usually I will lose about 4 lbs of mostly water, but this was a little more which I can probably attribute to the HCG and water loss. I'm not going to be overly enthusiatic about this because most likely my weight loss will level off.
I was hungry yesterday and hungry today. Not overly so, but that is to be expected the first two days. Also, yesterday before going to bed I was feeling very tired and had flu like symptoms. The real hunger test will come tomorrow.
I had a horrible night! I couldn't sleep all night. I think I may be sick. I have a very bad sore throat. It hurts to swallow and talk. All night I kept having to swallow back saliva and I was very nauseated. I really don't know if this is all connected to the diet or not. If the diet is causing this and it goes on for very much longer, I think I would have to stop. It's terrible. But hopefully, I'm just sick and it will go away soon. But I would still be irritated that I got sick right when I'm having to start this very strict diet. It really doesn't help my motivation. Grr, oh well.
Here's a couple pictures of my lunch and dinner to give you an idea of what I'm eating.
I was hungry yesterday and hungry today. Not overly so, but that is to be expected the first two days. Also, yesterday before going to bed I was feeling very tired and had flu like symptoms. The real hunger test will come tomorrow.
I had a horrible night! I couldn't sleep all night. I think I may be sick. I have a very bad sore throat. It hurts to swallow and talk. All night I kept having to swallow back saliva and I was very nauseated. I really don't know if this is all connected to the diet or not. If the diet is causing this and it goes on for very much longer, I think I would have to stop. It's terrible. But hopefully, I'm just sick and it will go away soon. But I would still be irritated that I got sick right when I'm having to start this very strict diet. It really doesn't help my motivation. Grr, oh well.
Here's a couple pictures of my lunch and dinner to give you an idea of what I'm eating.
Monday, October 17, 2011
225 Day 3 HCG
Today is Day 3 of my new diet. It's my first day of VLCD-Very Low Calorie Diet. It's so strange because the last two days I had to 'load' up on fat, calories and protein. Yet, I was hardly hungry at all. I had to make myself eat! The sweets were pretty easy to eat, but everything else was hard. I really don't know if the HCG was working yet, or if it was psychological, or if it was removing the taboo of eating to capacity. But I just wasn't that hungry. All I could think of was getting started with the new diet! LOL Who know
the reason, but I'm starting the 500 calorie part of it today.
Sat morning I was 225.6. Amazingly, I actually lost a half a pound after these two days!! Usually if I go off my diet on the weekend, I eat way less than I did on these load days and gain several pounds.
I'm very tired. I don't know if it's because I didn't get enough sleep or what. All I want to do is go back to bed. I know I need to take a walk, but I'm afraid it will make me hungry. I think I will though. The hardest part is just deciding what I'm going to eat, even though it's very little. I just hope I'm doing everything right because I don't want to mess anything up. Oh, and I'm peeing like a racehorse even though I'm not drinking much yet. I need to go make myself a big glass of water and get to sipping.
One thing I noticed is that the last two days I had tons of energy! And I used every ounce of it up. We had a lot to do over the weekend and I was pretty active. Maybe I overdid it and that's why I'm tired. Anyway, I hope the energy comes back. So far so good. Not much hunger. Hope that doesn't change anytime soon.
Sat morning I was 225.6. Amazingly, I actually lost a half a pound after these two days!! Usually if I go off my diet on the weekend, I eat way less than I did on these load days and gain several pounds.
I'm very tired. I don't know if it's because I didn't get enough sleep or what. All I want to do is go back to bed. I know I need to take a walk, but I'm afraid it will make me hungry. I think I will though. The hardest part is just deciding what I'm going to eat, even though it's very little. I just hope I'm doing everything right because I don't want to mess anything up. Oh, and I'm peeing like a racehorse even though I'm not drinking much yet. I need to go make myself a big glass of water and get to sipping.
One thing I noticed is that the last two days I had tons of energy! And I used every ounce of it up. We had a lot to do over the weekend and I was pretty active. Maybe I overdid it and that's why I'm tired. Anyway, I hope the energy comes back. So far so good. Not much hunger. Hope that doesn't change anytime soon.
Friday, October 14, 2011
225 Backsliding and a new diet
Yes, you read that right. I've gained back about half of what I lost. I haven't posted in a while because I was having major problems with gaining and losing. I would backslide on the weekends and then gain anywhere from 5 to 10 pounds. I would diet for most of the week and then start my downward spiral beginning anywhere from Wednesday to Friday.
It all started because, since I lost so much weight, my periods had finally for the first time in my womanhood become normal. So, I figured that it was the best time to begin conceiving.When several months went by without me doing so, I think I lost it. Deep inside. Never would I let myself or anyone else see it. So, I punished my body. I guess unconsciously I figured if my body wasn't going to do what it was supposed to then what was the point of it all? I wanted to lose weight in the first place to restore not just my physical health, buy my reproductive health as well.
That went on for oh like 2-3 months. Finally, my 10th anniversary and a vacation to Destin, FL arrived. Oh how happy that all made me. And you know what anniversary celebrations involve...CAKE! I have finally found out that sweets are my downfall. I really thought it was rice, bread, or pasta. But no, it's CAKE.
So, all these things have been a deadly combination. Although I have had some relief from all the counting of calories and weighing of food, I do not feel well. My joints are achy again and I don't have nearly the energy I used to have. You would think that would be enough motivation, but for some reason I feel like my motivation is gone. If you take away one of the major reasons that you had to lose weight (conception for me), it becomes sort of meaningless. So, I have to keep reminding myself that there are plenty other reasons for doing so. Especially because I'm diabetic and need to keep it under control so I don't die and to keep my doctor happy.
Soooo, all that being said, I have decided to try a new diet. I still believe low carb is the way to go. However, I reached a major plateau that I just could not get out of. So, I started doing some research and watching the Dr. Oz show and have come to the conclusion that I want to try the HCG diet. I am going to be using the homeopathic pellets. I'm not going to go into all the specifics of it now, especially because I still have a lot to learn. But I know the basics and am starting tomorrow hopefully. If not, then on Monday.
This diet is controversial and not for everyone. But I've done enough research that I think this might work for me. And if it doesn't, I will go back to low carbing it. I'm not going to give up! I've actually had to pull out of a pair of my old fat jeans and I was so mad about that! I'm not going there again! I was so happy to get under 200lbs and it makes me mad that I allowed it to happen. But it wouldn't be fair to lie to my blog and make everyone think that I kept the weight off forever. I guess deep down inside I thought I could just lose the weight and then go back to eating what I was eating to maintain it. Guess the only way to maintain it is to stay on the diet. So, it really is a lifestyle change, not a quick fix. It's forever.
So, I'm going to document how it goes on this HCG diet. The good, the bad and whatever else comes along. If for any reason I feel sick or just not right, I will stop and go back to what I was doing. Here goes!
It all started because, since I lost so much weight, my periods had finally for the first time in my womanhood become normal. So, I figured that it was the best time to begin conceiving.When several months went by without me doing so, I think I lost it. Deep inside. Never would I let myself or anyone else see it. So, I punished my body. I guess unconsciously I figured if my body wasn't going to do what it was supposed to then what was the point of it all? I wanted to lose weight in the first place to restore not just my physical health, buy my reproductive health as well.
That went on for oh like 2-3 months. Finally, my 10th anniversary and a vacation to Destin, FL arrived. Oh how happy that all made me. And you know what anniversary celebrations involve...CAKE! I have finally found out that sweets are my downfall. I really thought it was rice, bread, or pasta. But no, it's CAKE.
So, all these things have been a deadly combination. Although I have had some relief from all the counting of calories and weighing of food, I do not feel well. My joints are achy again and I don't have nearly the energy I used to have. You would think that would be enough motivation, but for some reason I feel like my motivation is gone. If you take away one of the major reasons that you had to lose weight (conception for me), it becomes sort of meaningless. So, I have to keep reminding myself that there are plenty other reasons for doing so. Especially because I'm diabetic and need to keep it under control so I don't die and to keep my doctor happy.
Soooo, all that being said, I have decided to try a new diet. I still believe low carb is the way to go. However, I reached a major plateau that I just could not get out of. So, I started doing some research and watching the Dr. Oz show and have come to the conclusion that I want to try the HCG diet. I am going to be using the homeopathic pellets. I'm not going to go into all the specifics of it now, especially because I still have a lot to learn. But I know the basics and am starting tomorrow hopefully. If not, then on Monday.
This diet is controversial and not for everyone. But I've done enough research that I think this might work for me. And if it doesn't, I will go back to low carbing it. I'm not going to give up! I've actually had to pull out of a pair of my old fat jeans and I was so mad about that! I'm not going there again! I was so happy to get under 200lbs and it makes me mad that I allowed it to happen. But it wouldn't be fair to lie to my blog and make everyone think that I kept the weight off forever. I guess deep down inside I thought I could just lose the weight and then go back to eating what I was eating to maintain it. Guess the only way to maintain it is to stay on the diet. So, it really is a lifestyle change, not a quick fix. It's forever.
So, I'm going to document how it goes on this HCG diet. The good, the bad and whatever else comes along. If for any reason I feel sick or just not right, I will stop and go back to what I was doing. Here goes!
Friday, July 22, 2011
199.4 Goal Reached!
I finally reached my goal to be under 200lbs! I've lost 58 lbs. I'm proud of myself. I wanted to reach it before an event I had coming up. I hope this weekend doesn't ruin it. It just seems like lately I go up and down so much. All I can do is keep doing what I've been doing. I wish I had the money to treat myself because that keeps me motivated. Oh well. Today I went to my storage unit and got some clothes I had stored away that I haven't worn since before my first anniversary. Most of it fits or is just a little tight which I was shocked. I really didn't think I would fit into any of it. I officially don't have any pants to wear so its off to the thrift store for me. Losing 30 more lbs to reach my ultimate goal seems so much more doable now. It would be nice to reach it by Nov 1st. However, even losing it by the end of the year would be good. Every pound I lose from here on out is a real victory for me.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
203.6
So, not much has changed since I ranted last. However, I don't want to be that negative because it doesn't help anything.
I can pretty much say that July has been a bust. I don't think it's a plateau. I have been making bad choices on the weekend. You reap what you sow. I'm not going to say it hasn't been fun though.
Since summer is here, there's an abundance of snow cones and ice cream along with fireworks and other bad bad, but so good things, lol. We've been hanging out with family and friends and I have been having a lot of fun. I just need to realize that fun doesn't always include lots of treats. Maybe one treat a weekend is enough. One weekend (with Monday being a holiday) I gained 8 lbs! I know exactly what I did wrong. Last weekend, I kept my treats to one per day (Sat. and Sun.) and gained 2 lbs. So, now I know that I can only treat myself to one treat per weekend. That will just have to be enough for now.
I should have reached my Goal by the beginning of July. That didn't happen. I can't waste time beating myself up about it. I've got to move forward. I actually did get down to 202 earlier this month and have working like a dog to get back there and under 200. I'm hoping that it will happen this week. And then if I can maintain on the weekend, I should be making real progress in August! Also, I'm going to have to find a way to refocus!
It's crazy how much attention I'm getting now. I used to get mad because no one noticed, but now it's kind of embarrassing. People sure like to talk about weight and the body, especially when it's not theirs. They always want to know what 'the secret' is and are disappointed when it's the sage old advice of eating less and exercising.
I actually feel completely different now. Nothing in my closet fits. I have no boobs! I don't feel like people are staring when I eat or when I try on clothes. The fact that I can find a bra in my size off the rack is nothing short of amazing to me. It's a whole different world knowing that I don't have to tear the clothing rack apart just to find something in my size.
Other things are different as well. My husband is transforming himself too. I feel like we are dating again! We have so much more energy. We can stay out all weekend without feeling like we were hit by a truck. This is the best 10th anniversary present. It's about time we finally did it. I can't wait to see how much farther we can go.
I can pretty much say that July has been a bust. I don't think it's a plateau. I have been making bad choices on the weekend. You reap what you sow. I'm not going to say it hasn't been fun though.
Since summer is here, there's an abundance of snow cones and ice cream along with fireworks and other bad bad, but so good things, lol. We've been hanging out with family and friends and I have been having a lot of fun. I just need to realize that fun doesn't always include lots of treats. Maybe one treat a weekend is enough. One weekend (with Monday being a holiday) I gained 8 lbs! I know exactly what I did wrong. Last weekend, I kept my treats to one per day (Sat. and Sun.) and gained 2 lbs. So, now I know that I can only treat myself to one treat per weekend. That will just have to be enough for now.
I should have reached my Goal by the beginning of July. That didn't happen. I can't waste time beating myself up about it. I've got to move forward. I actually did get down to 202 earlier this month and have working like a dog to get back there and under 200. I'm hoping that it will happen this week. And then if I can maintain on the weekend, I should be making real progress in August! Also, I'm going to have to find a way to refocus!
It's crazy how much attention I'm getting now. I used to get mad because no one noticed, but now it's kind of embarrassing. People sure like to talk about weight and the body, especially when it's not theirs. They always want to know what 'the secret' is and are disappointed when it's the sage old advice of eating less and exercising.
I actually feel completely different now. Nothing in my closet fits. I have no boobs! I don't feel like people are staring when I eat or when I try on clothes. The fact that I can find a bra in my size off the rack is nothing short of amazing to me. It's a whole different world knowing that I don't have to tear the clothing rack apart just to find something in my size.
Other things are different as well. My husband is transforming himself too. I feel like we are dating again! We have so much more energy. We can stay out all weekend without feeling like we were hit by a truck. This is the best 10th anniversary present. It's about time we finally did it. I can't wait to see how much farther we can go.
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